"Greatest State in the Union"

If  you're wondering which state in our country is the best, just ask Mike.  He'll tell you sweet home Indiana is.  Of course!  We are heading to Merrilville, IN today for a wedding that Mike is in; it is one of his best friends.  I wonder if he's also hoping that Matthew is born there.  I bet he would if you got citizenship in a state in the same way you do when you have a baby in another country.

Well...I have had stronger and more regular braxton hicks contractions.  Interestingly, it's only at night and early in the morning.  Maybe he will be an Indiana baby.  But probably not because we're only going to be an hour and a half from the hospital.  Unless this baby launches out of my genitals, I don't think we'll have a problem.

1 Down, 9 to Go

Warning: If you do not want to read about my cervix then you'll want to skip this one.

Doc: "This was a good first exam."

I am 1cm dilated, my cervix has softened and I am at a -1 to -2 as far as effacement (baby dropping) is concerned. What does all this mean? While there is no way to predict when Matthew will make an appearance, the exam shows that my body is progressing towards delivery really well. The doctor said that many women are not even dilated come their due date, so being that I am already dilated we can have confidence that Matthew will probably arrive by his due date (2 1/2 weeks!), rather than late or via an induction which would occur if we went 2 weeks past our due date. Effacement indicates where the head of the baby is; baby starts at -5 and will move to +5 when it's time for him to be pushed out!

We are incredibly grateful that things are progressing as they are and trying our best to contain our excitement!

WBU: Full Term

At 37 weeks, our little peanut is officially full term which means that if he were born today, there would be great confidence that all his vital organs would be fully formed making life in this world possible without medical intervention and/or assistance.  The lungs are of particular concern late in the pregnancy as they become fully formed at the end of this week.  In other words, Matthew, we're ready to meet you!

And Then There Were Four...

...weeks until the due date.  Week 36 WBU:

My rockstar wife is in pre-labor now.  Signs include abdominal cramping and Matthew slowly starting to drop, a.k.a. wedge himself into his mother's crotch.  Here's to hoping I never have to observe my son doing that ever again.  Anyway, before you all start to sound the alarms and get too excited about pre-labor, realize it can last up to four weeks.  Which makes one wonder why it is called "pre-labor" and not simply "the ninth month of pregnancy."

Baby Showers

We are truly blessed to have such wonderful family and friends in our lives.  I had two baby showers and it was amazing to spend time with these great people.  On top of this blessing, the hostesses all brought their A-games with fun games and incredible food.  And the generousity and thoughtfulness of people...wow, it's overwhelming.


Mike with HIS diaper bag! :)

 

My cousins Julie and Mary. 

A week and a half ago, dear and sweet friends of mine hosted a shower that lasted 3 hours--that's how fun it was!  It felt so good to be with friends and to receive gifts from friends from far away that couldn't come, just made me feel like they were still there with me.  Here are some pics from that shower:

The Hostesses and I

Pure Michigan

This is a much belated post as we took a trip to Michigan with our friends in June, right after graduation.  But I really needed you all to know why I love my husband:

Pat catching a football while jumping off the boat.

John

Mike

What Should Have Been Done 5 Days Ago...

35 Week WBU...only we are now at 35 weeks at 5 Days

And yes, my butt has graduated to Mike's pajama pants.  Thank you for noticing.

Managing Meltdowns

We are into month 9.  Yikes.

So I have been meaning to write a post on managing meltdowns for quite a while now.  That said, a combination of anticipating future meltdowns and being breathtakingly lazy prevented it from getting done.  Sitting on a plane flying back from Austin, I decided it was time to write yet another post that utilizes high-grade sarcasm to disguise a complete lack of appreciation for the heavy burden my wife is bearing in order to ensure the continuation of my family name.

Before I get into this, I must admit that since the first trimester, there have been very few meltdowns.  This does not please me.  We were promised the following emotional states during the pregnancy:

• First Trimester: Hurricane
• Second Trimester: All’s clear
• Third Trimester: By “all’s clear”, I meant “eye of the storm.”  Now we’re [past tense version of the most versatile word in the English language that I am really trying to stop saying before Matthew is born].

This is not what was delivered.  Instead, we had:

• First Trimester: Hurricane
• Second Trimester: All’s clear
• Third Trimester: No, seriously, all’s clear.  Except for the breathing problems.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m very happy that she is so happy.  I also like that the Matthew and humidity derived breathing issues are not preventing the housework and meal preparation from getting done.  But you have to understand that there is a certain level of disappointment on my end that the astonishing level of unintentional humor has absolutely plummeted since she suddenly unpacked her hormone-fueled emotional baggage around Week 14.

But I digress.  When it comes to managing meltdowns, there are three things to keep in mind:

• Stay clam
• Don’t laugh
• When she challenges you to a game of Irrational Weep n’ Scream, just let her win

The best example I can provide of managing a meltdown occurred somewhere in the Week 8-12 range.  Before heading to class one morning, the at that time quite small lady and I ventured to Evanston City Hall to contest a parking ticket we had received despite the fact that she had seemingly followed the protocol she had been told to follow to ensure our car was registered to legally park in front of our apartment.  Since I didn’t have anything to do with buying the permits and other administrative blah blah, I basically just went to provide emotional support.  We may have actually already blogged about the ticket a while back—I don’t remember, and frankly, I have zero interest in reading through the entire blog in an effort to save you, the non-paying reader, from having to follow two lines of a possibly regurgitated story.  Anywho, the conversation went something like this:

Exhausted, Always Nauseous First Trimester Pregnant Lady: [Thoughtful, 45 Second Explanation of Why City of Evanston Must Be Mistaken]

Evanston City Hall Worker: “No.”

Exhausted, Always Nauseous First Trimester Pregnant Lady: [Less Thoughtful, More Emotional Explanation of Why She Did Nothing Wrong]

Evanston City Hall Worker: “You’re wrong.”

Exhausted, Always Nauseous and Now Noticeably Angry First Trimester Pregnant Lady: “So what can I do to appeal this?”

Evanston City Hall Worker: “You can have a hearing in two weeks.  But you will need to pay $125 for a new permit immediately.”

Exhausted, Always Nauseous, Noticeably Angry and Starting To Cry First Trimester Pregnant Lady: “This is [naughty word]!  We don’t have any [naughty word] money!”

Exhausted, Always Nauseous, Now Fully Enraged and Crying First Trimester Pregnant Lady exits scene.  She can be seen walking out of the room and collapsing in an enraged, tearful heap on a bench in the hallway.

Exhausted, Always Nauseous, Now Fully Enraged and Crying, No Longer In The Room First Trimester Pregnant Lady’s Sexy In A Smoldering Way Husband: [Stares blankly at the Evanston City Worker].

Evanston City Worker: [Stares blankly at Exhausted, Always Nauseous, Now Fully Enraged and Crying, No Longer In The Room First Trimester Pregnant Lady’s Sexy In A Smoldering Way Husband].

Exhausted, Always Nauseous, Now Fully Enraged and Crying, No Longer In The Room First Trimester Pregnant Lady’s Sexy In A Smoldering Way Husband: “Look, I’m jobless while in grad school and my wife is both pregnant and building a business.  We are really tight on cash and she really did do everything we were told to do by the City.  Someone misled her and now we have a new permit to buy and a ticket to pay.  She really is a swell person in most instances.  Is there any chance you can waive the ticket or permit fee?”

Evanston City Worker: “No.”  [Thoughtful pause and sympathetic look.]  “But I can give you a discount.”

Exhausted, Always Nauseous, Now Fully Enraged and Crying, No Longer In The Room First Trimester Pregnant Lady’s Sexy In A Smoldering Way Husband: “Thank you.”

The Smoldering Husband finds his wife, consoles her and drives her home.

You may now be wondering what exactly I did to manage the meltdown.  My response to you is to hold your freaking horses.  We haven’t gotten to the meltdown yet.  Seriously.  I’m just painting the picture for you.

Needless to say, My Little Pumpkin Pie was still nice and angry when we got home.  We actually hadn’t planned on going home after City Hall; we were going to head straight to the grocery store.  However, she forgot the shopping list at home. (See: Pregnancy Brain, which actually is pretty much gone now, but was in full force at the time.)  Parking at our apartment was often a hassle—it was not uncommon to have to park a block away.  Given that we would be at home for less than 30 seconds, we decided to park in a spot behind our building so we could quickly run up to the apartment and then leave.  We had done this before and it had never been a problem, although it was technically illegal since we did not pay to have a parking space.  I had to go to the potty bathroom so I also went upstairs.

Two minutes later, we return to the parking spot to see our car is gone.  I would like to congratulate the tow truck driver who somehow followed us into the lot, checked our car for a permit and towed it out of the lot in under two minutes (seriously, it was two minutes—I have no Earthly idea how he pulled it off.)  He is incredibly skilled at what he does.

We go back upstairs.  E is fuming, but not crying.  I call the tow truck company and find out that the car:

1. Is going to be impounded 40 minutes away in Chicago
2. Will cost $195 to retrieve

E is continuing to fume and now beginning to sound like longshoreman, but still not crying.

I call Schneider and ask if I can borrow his car at lunch time (it’s about 9:00 in the morning at the time) to go get our car.  Just as he begins to answer, E, who is in the following room, says:

“Oh my gosh, I left my purse in the car.”

Actually, instead of a period, there probably should be an exclamation mark or seventeen at the end of that statement.  And it should probably be in all-caps, bold, italic, underlined 88-point font.  She didn’t so much say it as she did maniacally wail it.  In retrospect, given that:

1. She was exploding into a ball of boiling tears and hot mess as she said it
2. I was down the hall and in the kitchen while she was in the living room

it’s incredible I could understand what she said.  I have always said I was attracted to her elocution abilities.  Regardless, it’s was officially go time.

Mike, Still On Phone With Schneider: “I’m going to have to call you back.”

Schneider: [Terrified silence.]

Schneider: [Tries, and fails, to coolly give the impression he couldn’t hear what he could only guess was E’s reaction to seeing the Sun explode.]  “OK.”

I walk into the living room, where I proceed to tell her in firm and no uncertain terms that her behavior is inappropriate while I am talking on the phone.  And that’s how you manage a meltdown.

Or not.  What I really did upon entering the living room was:

1. Found E on her knees, with her head on the ground, sobbing uncontrollably and approaching hyperventilation.
2. Immediately smiled and thought, “My goodness is she:
1. Cute
2. Lovable
3. Trying so hard to own this pregnancy
4. Having a really, really, really bad day.”
3. Immediately stopped smiling just in case she looked up and saw me smiling.  Her inevitably misinterpreting my facial expression would not have ended well for me.
4. Very calmly explained that the car was locked, we had the keys and it was a federal offense for the tow company to break into our car.  Ipso facto, the purse was fine, her wallet would not be compromised and, just as long the Sun had not actually exploded, everything was going to be OK.

Almost instantly, her weeping lost about 80% of its intensity.  She has always been a sucker for words of compassion that include sound legal reasoning.  However, she was still basically hyperventilating.  Fortunately, that was nothing that me getting down on my knees next to her, wrapping her up in a bear hug, kissing her head repeatedly and telling her that:

1. Today has really, really sucked
2. I loved her very much

couldn’t cure.  Well, that and making her macaroni and cheese for lunch couldn’t cure.  Man oh man do we love macaroni and cheese for lunch.

So there you go.  Managing Meltdowns 101.  Love, patience, compassion and macaroni and cheese.  The keys to a happy marriage.

Do We Have Ourselves a Lefty?

Matthew has totally and completely implanted himself on my left hand side.  Does this mean that he will be a lefty?  Cause his parents' retirement plan is well, kind of depending on it.

"Work" Weekend Debate

Mike claimed he had to "work" this past weekend.  BUT...let's look at the facts and evidence.  He was supposedly doing store visits (which even if he was doing that...looking at hot dogs in grocery stores--that's Mike's favorite Friday night activity!).  Here's the evidence of what was actually occurring...

He started his vacation by going to Memphis and having BBQ.  Eating delicious ribs, wow, that sounds tough. 

He and his co-vacationer then went to Mississippi where he:

Tailgating



Ole Miss vs. BYU

So as you can see Mike had a weekend of tailgating and going to a football game.  Oh, and to add one more thing to my testament here...during the last year, Mike has been both Ole Miss and BYU while playing his NCAA Football video game.  Case closed.

34 Weeks, 2 Days and Matthew's Bedchambers

We are less than 40 days away from the due date.  E is growing noticeably by the day.  It's pretty incredible.  Speaking of pretty:

Not sure why we decided to make her look as shapeless as possible:

The nursery is almost entirely finished.  After much deliberation, Noah's Ark and the Book of Jeremiah narrowly beat out Omaha Beach as the theme.  In the end, we decided the costs associated with projecting Saving Private Ryan onto all four bedroom walls in an infinite loop would be too prohibitive to justify.  Here's what we went with instead:

I painted this.

That's a lie.  They're stickers.

Jeremiah 29:11

Framed animal paintings Grandma Schwartz found at a Vermont art fair.

The changing table E's mother used.

So we're pretty much done.  Except for the fact that if born today, Matthew will be sleeping on bed springs.  We're hoping the mattress arrives next Tuesday.

In other news, Matthew has already been purchased his first complete set of Topps baseball cards.  I am going to buy him a complete set for every year of his life.  I hope they will be cool presents for him to receive, appreciate and sell on eBay for pennies on the dollar in a poorly thought out attempt to buy a PlayStation 7 in 2025.