Warning: This post could end up being obnoxiously long. I have a lot to talk about.
Many a word has been spilled lamenting the mind-numbing repetitiveness of toddler entertainment. Whether on television, compact disc, or some descendant of papyrus, story lines targeting 0 - 3 year-olds are required by international law to include no more than 25 words, repeated no less than 25 times. Furthermore, each word is required to be monosyllabic. This post is only partially about that. Rather, this post will focus on the actual content that is being repeated ad nauseam.
We could start our discussion by focusing on pretty much any show in the PBS Sprout lineup, so we'll just pick one and go with "Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood". Understandably, PBS found themselves staring at a programming void when Fred "Mister" Rogers died in 2003. Giving the situation all the thought and consideration one would expect when trying to replace an iconic staple of television that entertained and educated countless children for 33 years, PBS spent at least 20 minutes deciding to keep all the same characters, digitally animate them, change absolutely nothing about the environment, and replace the still-warm dead guy with a talking tiger cub named Daniel. They then went on a three-hour martini lunch and took a four-month sabbatical, making sure they put the first 35 episodes on infinite loop before they left.
The point of the show is to subtly encourage parents to drown their children, thus eliminating the need to continue watching "Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood". They accomplish this by spending the entire thirty minute episode repeating the same two sing-song lines every 90 seconds, purportedly under the guise of teaching the children a valuable life lesson. This is not an exaggeration. It's horrible. The worst part isn't even the repetition. As has been discussed, I can find that anywhere. The serious bullplop comes from the fact that some of these "lessons" are at best, lazy, and at worst, lies, or at least half-truths. As opposed to only speaking to children in generalities and broadly grouping complex life events into singular actions (i.e., "WHEN YOU PRACTICE HARD, YOU WIN THE GAME!" ignores the fact that things such as "you're not talented" and "your selfish teammates play hero-ball" will doom your chances of victory), we feel it is best that PBS supplements it's current Daniel Tiger Collection with additional tunes.
Current Song
-Grown Ups Come Back
Fresh Ideas!
-People Die Sometimes
-Dad Went Out To Gather Pine Cones Three Christmases Ago. He's Gone, Daniel.
Current Song
-You Gotta Look A Little Closer To Find Out What You Want to Know
Many a word has been spilled lamenting the mind-numbing repetitiveness of toddler entertainment. Whether on television, compact disc, or some descendant of papyrus, story lines targeting 0 - 3 year-olds are required by international law to include no more than 25 words, repeated no less than 25 times. Furthermore, each word is required to be monosyllabic. This post is only partially about that. Rather, this post will focus on the actual content that is being repeated ad nauseam.
We could start our discussion by focusing on pretty much any show in the PBS Sprout lineup, so we'll just pick one and go with "Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood". Understandably, PBS found themselves staring at a programming void when Fred "Mister" Rogers died in 2003. Giving the situation all the thought and consideration one would expect when trying to replace an iconic staple of television that entertained and educated countless children for 33 years, PBS spent at least 20 minutes deciding to keep all the same characters, digitally animate them, change absolutely nothing about the environment, and replace the still-warm dead guy with a talking tiger cub named Daniel. They then went on a three-hour martini lunch and took a four-month sabbatical, making sure they put the first 35 episodes on infinite loop before they left.
The point of the show is to subtly encourage parents to drown their children, thus eliminating the need to continue watching "Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood". They accomplish this by spending the entire thirty minute episode repeating the same two sing-song lines every 90 seconds, purportedly under the guise of teaching the children a valuable life lesson. This is not an exaggeration. It's horrible. The worst part isn't even the repetition. As has been discussed, I can find that anywhere. The serious bullplop comes from the fact that some of these "lessons" are at best, lazy, and at worst, lies, or at least half-truths. As opposed to only speaking to children in generalities and broadly grouping complex life events into singular actions (i.e., "WHEN YOU PRACTICE HARD, YOU WIN THE GAME!" ignores the fact that things such as "you're not talented" and "your selfish teammates play hero-ball" will doom your chances of victory), we feel it is best that PBS supplements it's current Daniel Tiger Collection with additional tunes.
Current Song
-Grown Ups Come Back
Fresh Ideas!
-People Die Sometimes
-Dad Went Out To Gather Pine Cones Three Christmases Ago. He's Gone, Daniel.
Current Song
-You Gotta Look A Little Closer To Find Out What You Want to Know
Fresh Ideas!
-Sometimes We Realize We Didn't Want To Know That...
-Santa Isn't Real
-Dad Has Another Family
-You Were Right, Those Are Warts
Current Song
-You Can Take a Turn, Then I'll Get It Back
-Sometimes We Realize We Didn't Want To Know That...
-Santa Isn't Real
-Dad Has Another Family
-You Were Right, Those Are Warts
Current Song
-You Can Take a Turn, Then I'll Get It Back
Fresh Ideas!
-If You Share Your Toys, They Might Break
-If You Share Your Toys, They Might Break
-If They Take a Turn, Check For It on Ebay
Current Song
-Making Something Is One Way To Say I Love You
Current Song
-Making Something Is One Way To Say I Love You
Fresh Ideas!
-Making A Baby Is One Way To Say I Love You and Uh Oh
Current Song
-Friends Help Each Other, Yes They Do, Its True
-Making A Baby Is One Way To Say I Love You and Uh Oh
Current Song
-Friends Help Each Other, Yes They Do, Its True
Fresh Ideas!
-Sometimes Friends are Manstealers, Yes They Are, Its Unfortunate
-Sometimes Friends are Manstealers, Yes They Are, Its Unfortunate
-Friends Backstab Each Other, It's Hurtful
That's enough for today. We will discuss other shows later.
That's enough for today. We will discuss other shows later.
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